"Each one must do as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves cheerful giver." —II Corinthians 9:7 (RSV)

PANDA WAS MY FAVORITE stuffie when I was five. That Christmas, the fire department collected old toys for the poor. Even though Panda begged I not give him up, the voice of my Sunday School teacher overrode: "We never give God what we don't love. We give Him what we love the most."

My hurt worsened as I rode with my mother to City Hall, clutching dear Panda to my chest.

..........(Panda held by my cousin)   

"Go ahead," said a fireman. "Lay your nice little bear right here."

Numb with grief, I laid Panda on top of a rusty truck. A lady with an orange hat dumped a stack of boys' toys on top of Panda, and I rode home heartbroken. But I didn't cry, then or for years; that would have meant I was selfish, and I didn't want to be selfish.

Ten years later I created a wonderful doll from my mother's scrap bag, with a wardrobe to rival Queen Elizabeth's. I took McCall (I'd created her from a McCall's magazine pattern) with me that summer to my grandfather's beach house. I'm not sure when I took it into my head to give her away, or why, but by the time we reached the cabin I knew I would. And when we found the Pattersons, missionaries home on furlough, also at the beach, I knew to whom I would give McCall—the youngest of the five Patterson girls.

"Are you sure you want to give away your doll?" my mother asked.

This time I didn't hear my Sunday School teacher. I heard my own heart, saw the little girl and nodded yes. At fifteen I'd learned what my Sunday School teacher didn't understand: God didn't require me to give away my heart, just to give from my heart. I had made up my mind for myself, and so I could give gladly and freely.

Sometimes I still grieve over Panda. But McCall? I remember her only with joy. She was given from a cheerful heart, freely and without guilt, so there's no room for regret.

To God: May I know my heart and mind that I give appropriate gifts that bring everyone joy and no one pain.